Mikey (neomikey) wrote,

"I love you"

I was at work a few days ago when Amber, one of the managers came in. Amber is one of the coolest people I've ever worked with, not just because she has a cool personality, is fun to hang around with, and is a manager without being all imposing...but because she and her husband are anime fans. Her husband works for a tattoo place, and has Final Fantasy X (...don't ask me why) tattoos on one arm, and various anime girls on the other. And Amber has some of her own anime tattoos...and she told me that she wants a giant Chiyo-chan on her back.

I've been hooking her up with fansubbed Azumanga Daioh and letting her read my Yotsubato mangas, so I suppose it was just a matter of time before she felt the need to repay me. When Amber came in a few days ago, she had a few DVD's in her hand. "Hey, Mikey...you said you haven't seen 'Please Teacher' yet, so you can borrow these." I looked at them in her hand at first in disbelief, then my eyes widened and I got a big grin on my face, then I lunged forward and hugged around her neck. "Eeeeeeee~!!" I grabbed the DVD's from her hand, then bounded over the debris in that short hallway (...I needed a "boing" sound effect), heading for the door. "I~ go~t a~nime~!" I announced to no one in particular.

It's good to be around people like that. Amber is the first person in a long, long while who is actually something of a friend at work. Everyone else...well, I've said it before, but for the most part I'm just a co-worker to them, somebody they work with and might try and have small talk with, and that's it.

Recently, my Aunt Carrell from Washington just visited us! It was nice having her over here. Dad invited her over so that he could get away on his own for awhile, and have his own little "mini vacation". Just letting you all know, I'm hardly close to any of my family. At get-togethers, I'm usually off on my own, slowly eating my food off a paper plate, hoping that things would hurry up just so that I can get out of there already. So it was a shock to me when my aunt told me one time when I was leaving, "I love you." I haven't heard those words from anyone apart from my parents since my grandma was alive.

It's not that I'm an unaffectionate person, because I am. And I try when I can to let people know how much that I care for them and their value to me. But...please don't take this as an attempt of begging for attention...I don't often get to hear about what I mean to other people. There's a young girl online named Neko who reveres me highly, and I actually took this as a shock at first. And when my friend Alty told me one time about how I'm different from most guys and I'm kind, or something...that really took me off-guard as well.

But...well, towards folks...I love them. I do. But I can't say those words. Yeah, I grew up with loving parents (...most the time), but I...just wouldn't feel right telling someone "I love you"...well, apart from them. Every single time I leave the house, I tell Mom, sitting there on the chair watching tv, that I love her. When I get off the phone with either parent, I tell them I love them. I remember my first day of college ever, I put my arms around my dad and hugged him as he dropped me off, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and let him know I love him. But...well, I think what it is is the levity (...I think I used that word right) of that phrase. The world needs more love out there, and the Black-eyed Peas aren't the first ones to realize that.

But...I think what it is is that there are many different kinds of love out there. I remember way, way back in the day, when I first got internet and became friends with my buddy and the girl who got me into LiveJournal, Erin, that she told me she loved me...and that it was a certain kind of love, not necessarily romantic. I remember she even called me her "soulmate". But...well, being that I never really heard those words spoken to me from someone outside of family, much less my own age or someone I could relate to...suddenly I found that my heart was hers, and she was my first "relationship"...if you could call it that. Yeah, I had crushes before, with Emily Boyd being the first, establishing my sexuality (yay!), and suddenly stealing my heart by her Julia Roberts-like face back in fifth grade, but I never knew what it was like for a girl to like me. And...well, the thing is that I don't think that Erin meant for me to like her. The words "I love you" carry so much weight on them. Any "romantic" media can tell you that.

"You mean so much to me, Carla." "Yes, John...I know I do...." "And I wanted to let you know...that I love you." "*gasp!* John! You...you mean it?" "Yes, Carla...I do." "Oh John...!" "Carla...." "John...." "Carla...." *makeout scene!*

So while I do care about everyone...I'm just leery to say those words >_o But I also remember something that my friend Pastor Dillon told me. During the entire extent of Jesus' ministry here on Earth, you don't once find it recorded in the Bible that He said "I love you". You know why? Because He didn't need to...the people knew. ;) Maybe that's kind of how I go by it. Well...to all of you people out there, every single person reading this, whether I've talked to you recently, not for awhile, or we've never conversed in real time...I love you. Don't forget that, all right? ...just nothing romantic, 'kay?

...and that's my first entry for a long while now ^_^; I need to update in here more. A lot has happened to me over this month-plus period I haven't written anything...but maybe I might write about that stuff later...or maybe not at all. Don't know. Take care, people :)
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